emeline: “… it’s not like I’m a control freak or anything. There’s a crap load of stuff I don’t care about. ”
annabelle: *…crickets….* keeping a straight face *
emeline: “blah blah blah….”
annabelle: guffaws, “so you really don’t think you’re a control freak?”

Who isn’t a control freak, anyways?

I’ve rarely met a woman who isn’t a “control freak”. Women are born planners. Mothers are expert multi-taskers and have a knack for anticipating needs. They know how things are going to unfold before they actually happen. Like going to the botanical gardens without snacks or a change of clothes for the kids = bad idea. Everyone knows that. Duh. Sadly, these people get labeled “control freaks”.

My mother for one, is a control freak. Everything is planned and even if you somehow manage to convince her to change, she’ll live to make you regret it. Trust me. I once stubbornly convinced my mother to make an impromptu Swiss Fondue for lunch and we didn’t speak for 2 days. True story. Most of my friends, save one or two who are saintly, are all control freakish. I mean, we all have the things that make us tick, right?

So to help you guys navigate to waters, here are some tips on how to deal with the control freaks (referred to as C.F) in your life:

• Always have a change of clothes, a blanket, some snacks  and a few loose coins in the car- this will make a change of plan easier for the C.F to deal with.

• If you happen to be late for a date with a C.F, simply give yourself a black eye and claim to have been attacked. It’s one of the few acceptable reasons for tardiness.

• When the C.F asks you what you’d like for dinner: beware. If you make a suggestion, they’ll berate you. If you don’t make a suggestion, they’ll get angry that you don’t participate. To make your life easier, just answer “you’re a wonderful cook, so whatever you want to make will be amazing”. End of Story.

• Don’t google “control freaks”- all the articles published are garbage.
• If you happen to go camping with the C.F- let them plan the whole thing. Or it might just be easier to not go at all.

• Always hug a control freak. They need love too.
• Implement a “let it go” mantra. It probably means less to you than it does to them.
• The control freak is very frightened, so never sneak up on them. Also, no tickling.
• Instead of using the label “control freak”, try injecting the expression “All Business ______”.  “Dude, Amanda was being All Business at dinner wasn’t she?”

My name is Emeline and I’m a control freak. There, I said it.